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Love
Article by Tom Marcoux, Author of How to Heal When Life's Too MuchLove is a Decision
Gary Smalley, best-selling author Secrets to Lasting Love : Uncovering the Keys to Life-Long Intimacy emphasizes that love is a decision. Love is not merely a feeling. It is a decision to take action to learn more about communication, gender differences, spirituality, and your partner's unique style of needed-nurturing. For example, I know that my sweetheart enjoys hugs while I enjoy having my neck and shoulders massaged. You could say that "tomato soup" (hugs) means love to her, and "chicken soup" (neck massage) means love to me. Make the decision to ask your lover about what means 'love.'
Embrace the Jigsaw Puzzle
During my speeches, I share that "people fit together like jigsaw puzzle pieces." We need to appreciate the opposite-qualities of our lover. It is strange, but the characteristics that attracted you are like a two-edge sword. The sword cuts the other way in that what was 'cute' may now be annoying. 'Spontaneity' may now be 'scatterbrained.' 'Poised' may now be 'over-in-control.' Best-selling author Ellen Kreidman ('Light Her Fire') notes that her husband is calm - and she has grown calmer over the years. She is emotional, and her husband has learned to connect with his soft-feelings and show her tender loving care. Let us show appreciation for our partner's good qualities.
Nurturing Yourself
The total nurturing of a human being is too big of a burden. Give your partner a break. It is crucial that you develop a whole support system of solo-actions (things you do for yourself), friends, family, therapist (if appropriate), personal coach (TomSuperCoach.com), hobbies, exercise, nutrition, rest and recreation. Treat yourself like a best friend. Nurture yourself and expand your capacity to be loving. Now that's a great gift to your lover!
Help the Man Win
"A man is like a pigeon," I explain to audiences. "Help the man win at small things, and he'll do what you want." A pigeon is taught to peck at a bar by increments. First, the pigeon is rewarded with a food pellet when the pigeon is merely near the bar. Subsequently, the pigeon is rewarded for behaviors that come closer to pecking the bar. Here is an example of guiding a man's behavior. My sweetheart has made it clear to me that chocolate and flowers are definitely correct for her enjoyment of Valentine's Day. Sometimes, she even says, "Great. You win!" It works. She gets exactly what she wants.
Love is an Action
We need to get into the spirit of love. We need to appreciate that love includes the feelings of joy you experience when you're preparing something FOR your lover - not just anticipating something from your lover. It has been said that a relationship is where you go to give not just go to get.
Blessings,
Tom
Tom Marcoux
Personal Coach, TomSuperCoach.com